John is a student first year at University, and he has panic attacks when he’s doing presentation or he’s speaking in front of his colleagues.
Invited by a lecturer to answer a question in front of his classmates, the boy activated a vulnerable part in Ivan that fears public humiliation. A wave of shame passes through his body, accompanied by palpitations, sweating, flushing. It is a condition difficult to bear, as if the body were on fire.
Then to the rescue, to quickly change the state of the system, comes the part that makes panic attacks. When his breathing is labored, Ivan stops feeling the shame.
In IFS we would say that the panic attack part protects the part with fear of public humiliation.
How we can help the vulnerable part?
We ask the panic attack part for permission we to go and help the part with fear of public humiliation.
It agrees because it doesn’t need to work so hard if the part it protects is healed.
We develop a connection of trust between the part with fear of public humiliation and Self (John who’s not a part).
Imagine the softness and gentleness we look at loved one or pet, we want to direct this feeling towards our vulnerable part.
We want to get what’s the vulnerable part going trough
John’s father punished the 7-years old boy in a humiliating way in front of all guests on New Year’s party.
We ask if 7-years old part of John wants to leave the place of the traumatic event and come back in John’s body, in his heart.
Our parts are left behind as hostages at the moment of trauma. After we have witnessed what they are holding, they can integrate within us.
We give a possibility for re-do: the 7-years old part with John’s help can return back and make changes in the event.
For example Self could stand between father and son and say to the father: You are not hurting the child!
We give a possibility to 7-years old part to release the burdens from the traumatizing event, like beliefs, feelings, sensations.
The vulnerable part releases: feeling of shame, fear of public humiliation, helplessness, hopelessness, the belief “Everyone laughs at me”.
We ask the young part: ”What are you born for before you take those burdens?” and “What qualities would you like to invite in the system?”
It’s born to be free, to experiment, to learn from “trial and error”. It wants to invite trust in itself and trust in others.
We invite the panic attack part to see our vulnerable part now
The panic attack part decided to go on a small holiday and to see how the system will cope without it.
Now, during a presentation, the lead is the part of Ivan that wants to share the result of two weeks of work. And if fear comes, Ivan can tell him, “It’s okay, I’m here, you can go to a safe place, the presentation is not your concern, there are parts that will do it with pleasure.”
