7-years old Peter came from school with a note from his teacher about boy’s misbehavior.
The reaction Peter received from mum is from her Critical part: “How could you do this?”.
The reaction Peter didn’t receive is attunement and the question: “What happened and how it affected you?”.
11-years old Anne’s parents work long hours and they arrive home at the evening.
The reaction the girl receives is about not tidy kitchen, not good results in Math test, not enough pages being read from the book, chosen by them.
The reaction Anne didn’t receive is attunement and the question about her day and “Does she need some help with Math or something else at school?”.
15-years old Marry returned home and told dad that her best friend brother has killed himself.
The reaction Merry received from her dad: “I am not surprised, he was into drugs”.
The reaction Merry didn’t receive is attunement and the question about Merry’s feelings: How is for you, sweety, hearing about this tragedy?”.
Peter, Anne and Merry know that their parents love them but they don’t feel that.
As adults, they will recollect: I had good childhood and my parents did so much for me.
What they will not recollect is what their parents didn’t do for them- emotional attunement and the massage they received:
Don’t do emotions!
Don’t experience them! Don’t show them!
And Peter, Anne and Merry live life, suppressing their emotions like a beach ball under water. They have parts, holding vulnerable emotions (beach ball). And they developed protective parts (to keep them underwater)- numbing, critical, anxious, depressed, addicted, suicidal.
Peter, Anne and Merry seek therapy about their protective parts.
Developing protective parts which hugely affects functioning is the impact emotional neglect has on them and on so many people. Healing is going through acknowledging of parent’s misattunement from the childhood, attunement toward vulnerable parts now, fully witnessing their suffering and releasing the beliefs, which don’t serve anymore.
